The Trouble With Public Display Of Affection (Pda) Acharya Prashant (2020)

The Trouble With Public Display Of Affection (Pda) Acharya Prashant (2020) explores key ideas related to psychology, presented clearly and practically.

I have a question which relates to the youth

So we are now comfortable with public display

of affection, we it is in a sense, our expression

of freedom for the other where in a relationship,

so we have nothing to hide but there is certain

It’s being looked down upon by people, however,

I feel that it is something we have evolved

So why there is still resistance towards it?

Let’s first of all come to the central word

Is this that is being displayed or most of

the times prevented from being displayed.

If it is really pure affection, which is love,

Those who attack public display of affection

(PDA), they say that by doing these things

in public, you are setting a harmful and corrupting

example towards those who are watching these

Now the fact is that if the relationship is

really based on solid fundamentals and if

the relationship has some depth and genuine

sincerity, then that relationship will only

set a beautiful and life giving example in

front of all and everyone who comes across

So it’s not really public display of love

that is harmful, love can not be harmful to

So the question is not really the public display

When we say PDA, PD is not so much of a problem.

You see affection and love are different things.

If you go into books of wisdom, if you hear

the words of those who have understood life

and the world, they will tell you that affection

Affection is almost an affliction, a disease.

So what is it that you are demonstrating in

front of the public, if it is pure love, then

flow, where to flow and which ocean to reach.

So if the individual's concern are really

in a relationship of pure love, then obviously

first of all they have all the freedom to

do as they please, secondly even if the society

wants to stop them they can’t because pure

So public display is a secondary issue, first

of all we must discuss the quality of relationship

among these individuals who choose to offend

We may say that demonstration is a separate

There are lot of couples who are so reticent

almost ashamed about their relationship that

The PDS that you are talking of is more of

a metropolitan phenomena, if you go to the

general towns, normal cities and small villages,

it is still a norm that even married couples

do not even hold hands in public, that is

equally problematic, there again you have

If your relationship is of pure love why have

you made the society so important that your

mutual conduct towards each other is being

dictated by the presence or absence of others

I am not advocating that all married couples

should hug or kiss in public or do all those

things in public but what I am talking of

is the quality of relationship, what is the

quality of relationship between a husband

and wife if the husband looks around ten times

before even hugging her, what kind of love

Please get me state, I am neither advocating

this side or that side I am trying to come

We often say as you said that your generation

and then there is a vast majority of those

who say that by themselves they do not want

to come out in open and be public about it.

To both these sides this question needs to

be asked that what is it that make you relate

If it is merely a relationship of convenience

or bodily attraction then obviously the message

that you are sending to everybody who is watching

you is not very beneficial, at the same time

if you are sure of who you are and therefore

why you are relating to the other then no

Your effect upon everybody will only be beneficial

and that’s the thing about love you know,

it benefits every one but that not the thing

When you say that you are in relationship

with a particular person, you are attached

to that person then that person becomes special

to you then it is only the interest of that

one particular person that becomes supreme

You tend to neglect the interests of others.

Love has a beautiful mystical quality about

it in which the entire world benefits in direct

So if two real lovers are walking down a street,

believe me all residents would be benefited,

do not ask me how, it just happens, I said

How would one differentiate suppose I am somebody

who is close minded in the sense, towards

any sense of affection being shown towards

How would I differentiate, How would I know?

That’s your responsibility not towards the

How do you afford to not to know if you are

alive and you are in relationship how do you

afford to not to know who you are and why

That obviously does not mean that somebody

else gets the licence to intercept you and

regulate you or dominate you and tell you

how to do your personal stuff that obviously

But then you do have a great individual responsibility

to ask yourself that I am hugging and kissing

this person in public, who is exactly he,

what does he mean to me and you should be

doing this irrespective of whether somebody

is objecting to your relationship or not.

You might be living in Europe or Australia

or America where nobody objects to PDA but

still it is your own obligation towards yourself

to ask yourself who is this person I have

How has he become the center of my universe?

How has he become so important to me that

all the time I am found sticking to him, who

were right the other one is right and the

reasons in the relationship are right then

whether you display it publicly or not, it

It would be good for you and it would be good

But for those who are objecting, do they have

Nobody has any authority specially those who

Those who object are mostly objecting for

Ask them to define culture, they would be

clueless so they are out of the question.

See when you say public display of affection,

Display means a positive display as well as

a hindered display so they too are PDA candidates.

You are displaying your affection by hugging

in public and they are demonstrating their

brand of affection by not even touching each

other in public that too is a particular type

You are not displaying merely when you are

hugging or kissing, you are also displaying

when you refuse to even touch each other,

that too is a particular quality of display.

So all kinds of display play a part so come

why are you being seen walking with the other,

what is the other bringing to your life and

what are you bringing to the other’s life.

Are you in a relationship that would really

enhance each other or would the relationship

Remember if the relationship is such that

it enhances the two of you then it would also

Ok this is a little bit of tangent but sometimes

it is used in a revolting manner like you

would display in public so that those who

do not do it can also see that such things

Acharya ji, this message is it also going

out to those who are so called torch bearers,

cultural moral guardians who know how to tell

love from affection or is this only going

Obviously this is a message for everyone,

every individual has first and foremost the

obligation to ask himself that why he is doing

they are indulging in very obvious and loud

acts of PDA and then there are two people

who are approaching these two in an aggressive

manner with the intention of censoring them,

stopping them or asking them to move away,

both the sides needs to ask each other what

are we doing and what is it that has so possessed

us that we must do what we are doing right

now and those two who are branding themselves

as guardians of culture or morality have an

equal responsibility to ask themselves that

what authority do we have to tell somebody

Both must be stopped in their internal tracks.

Both are carrying a certain blind internal

momentum and both of them feel that they are

There is a ninety nine percent chance that

neither side is really conscious of what it

A last question on this topic Acharya ji.

Would you say that it is the misappropriation

or misrepresentation of the spiritual idea

of love by the so called moral guardians that

has motivated them to intervene between personal

And would you not go to the extent of also

acknowledging that known bodily concept of

You see spirituality has been substituted

and once it is substituted it doesn’t matter

In the case of the couples belonging to the

more so called advanced cities of the country,

spirituality has been substituted by a brand

In the case of those who act as the moral

police and cultural guardians spirituality

Now be it liberalism or cultural-ism of whatever

kind, these are very poor substitutes to real

When I say spirituality, I do not mean any

kind of mambo-jumbo or all the nonsensical

I am just talking of understanding, knowing,

So this side without knowing things that it

This side has turned the ego as it’s master.That’s

what liberalism is commonly understood or

I have all the right to do as I please, so

I have all the right to do whatever I am doing

without being introspective and meditative,

without having the patience and the courage

to go within myself, explore things, question

my intentions and discover the truth and that

side think that it is already on the right

side of religions, spirituality, morality

That side has arrogated to itself that all

the righteousness I am definitely the one

I can thrash you, I can smash you, I can throw

It becomes very difficult to decide which

of these two sides is deeper in ignorance

though I would have to pick the one who is

more deeply ignorant I would probably have

This side would at-least be ready to listen.

Listening is one of the quality here because

they are prepared to discuss and debate while

the other side is not even prepared to discuss

and debate, they think they already know.

They feel that their acts have been sanctioned

They feel they have some kind of supernatural

So obviously both of them are ignorant and

both these sides need education, real inner

Glad Acharya ji that you touched it towards

the end because I was about to ask if given

a choice what would you choose A slap on the

street or A kiss on the street because the

street neither it is about just going around

and blindly kissing people on the street.

Not people but the one that you are with.

It’s just that one side is probably going

to be a little more prepared to be educated.

The other side will say we are already educated.